it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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