It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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