Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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