Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my liver is dry heaving
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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