you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
