I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
