I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize