i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
