I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
