What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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