He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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