She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
