We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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