3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so explain again why im purple
no
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
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