My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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