the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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