my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
