I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
