So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
