you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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