My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
