Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found a bag of teeth...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
