Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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