Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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