Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
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