haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
