I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
