I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
