btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
