I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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