I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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