This is not my ceiling
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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