i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
