Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
