a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
