what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize