We got so high we made milksteak
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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