We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
