quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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