Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
