The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize