I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
