so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
