Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize