I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
