you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
