i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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