Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
