I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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