the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
cat food counts as protein by the way
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
