Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
