If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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