Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
