I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
