Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You ate ashes out of my bong
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
