It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
