I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
