JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
