So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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