My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
