I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
