Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
