God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize