It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
