she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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