i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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