I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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