You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
