please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
