You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
