i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
