i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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