I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
