He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
