I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
