the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize