Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
