what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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