Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
