PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
