She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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