Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
