Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Drunk is not a location!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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