I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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