strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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