You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
