my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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