I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
