do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
