Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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