in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize