im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my shit smells like andre
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
