found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Life is so much better after having sex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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