awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize