You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
