Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize