I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
