I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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