i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
