good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
